It was a very hilarious yet very serious problem in many marriages. Yes, Nagging. It even goes to say…Nagging is far more common than adultery (really?!) but is as toxic.

So it was said, in credit to the writer (I did not take notice of the author’s gender) he/she mentioned that BOTH men and women NAG but due to women being able to more easily pick up a ‘problem’ – e.g. trash not taken out, tv not fixed etc, they tend to nag more.

Well to me, a nagging MAN is very much worse than a nagging woman. Have you been nagged by a man before? “shudder”

So the article goes to say that the Naggee (person being nagged) and the Nagger (person nagging) is caught in a vicious cycle. The nagger will continue to nag because they feel that the naggee is ignoring them (and the Naggee is indeed ignoring them after the repetitive nagging). So the man Does have the capacity to ZONE out…(here being very biased and assuming the Man is being nagged).

Lets face it, feminism aside, that a woman usually has lower tolerance levels to unwashed dishes, a leaky tap or unthrown thrash. And the man MAY say…”I’ll do it later…its not a matter of life and death, is it?”

The article continues to warn us that the couple could be soon arguing about the FACT that one party nags and their arguments begin to stem around the fighting and not the cause of the fight, in the first place.

So, an apparent solution? The soft approach. And perhaps usage of endearments and/or humour while saying it. Perhaps we can take example from a lady quoted in the article, saying she wrote a note to her husband. “I really need your help,” a recent plea began. “I am really backed up and in a lot of discomfort.” It was signed “your faithful bathtub drain.”

I should really try that on my hubby. I, only married for 2 years am starting to feel the nag effect. I try to ignore it the first few times the ‘offence’ is committed. Finally when you cant stand it no more and the naggee still does it, you either do it yourself or just start simmering and then boiling under the surface of your skin ((you know that feeling, dont you). Heck, you dont have to even be married to experience that. If could even start of in a good, long relationship with your boyfriend.

In my own words, when you feel the need to nag. Go do online shopping with your hubby’s credit card instead!!

Happy New Year

Happy new year to all my chinese mates and those celebrating the chinese new year.

I cannot believe another chinese new year has come. I wish I was holidaying and making merry with more friends and relatives but this year is an uneventful one and nicely, I wont be partaking in any wine-drinking, beer drinking or anything alcoholic other than having a stiff shot of DOM BENEDICTINE everyday. But I guess I could add water and ice and pretend its one of my favourite brandies. Oh,I forgot, I cannot have any cold drinks til confinement is over, so wipe that off my mind.

Our darling new born is now 2 weeks old. Time to bring out the cameras and snap away at the 2nd week mark. I have to say, the picture taking was not as gregarious as with our firstborn. That what seasoned parents told me. The 2nd and 3rd etc babies dont have as much on print or digitals as the firstborn. As laziness DOES admittedly set in, it reminds me of the equity factor.

We must always be fair between the children and I’m having my first taste of it already.

I once met a lady who breastfeed her first born for 16 months. (My mouth was agape at that number of course..) But more than that, she said, when it came to her second baby, do or die, she made sure she had to breastfeed for 16 months as well. The reason? Because she wouldnt know how to explain to her second baby that she breastfeed her for LESS than the first. Gosh. But i think its more of avoiding a personal guilt trip, rather than having to explain it to the kid.

So here I am, while trying to be as fair as possible to the new baby (she didnt get any new clothes because her elder sister had barely worn the many pieces we had bought the first time) – I did feel a silly twinge of guilt. Poor littke Sofia, wearing hand-me-downs already. But hey, the some of the so-called hand me downs were not even worn more than once! But thanks to Christmas and many well wishers who brought gifts, little Sofia has some new baby clothes – very lovely ones at that! So thank you all our friends and family who gave us pressies.

So here’s to the coming wonderful new year. Chin Chin!

i am a mere 20 days away from my first real draft of cold, cold beer. thats the number one thing im going for after keeping ‘dry’ for the past 11 months.

Just to punctuate a point

imagine a life with no wine, beers or bubblies and too top it all off, no sashimi (which I dont really mind) but no half boiled eggs, I cant stand.

Mamak or kopitiam style...

And ‘sitting out’ during parties or events whereby everyone around you has a little wine or champagne glass in hand, I would say, really poops my party. And while breastfeeding, alcohol should be kept to a bare minimum, its better than nothing! Suffice to say, I’m also looking forward to a time when my breasts are free from round-the-clock-feeding and back where they belong, in a proper bra!

So this post departs from my usual prim and proper-ness and borders on flighty and a little insane (sans the evil cackling and rubbing of hands together which should be accompanying my post) but thats what being finally released from ‘jail’ feels like, then so be it!

I give thanks to the Lord Jesus Christ for the miracle of the birth of our baby girl Sofia, who is as beautiful and perfect as I have prayed for. The labour this time was not as smooth as I had hoped (or as the first) and i was plagued with the shivers almost throughout the whole ‘ordeal’ (as I like to call it). The uncontrollable shivers I was told is a normal part of labour which progresses quite quickly, and this time I was spared the long waiting time and it only took me 1.5 hours to have my painful contractions progress from 1 in 20 minutes to 1 in 7 minutes. After which we rushed to the hospital and got admitted. At this juncture I had been told that I was almost ready to give birth as the baby’s head was very ‘low’ and I may not make it for an epidural. It was THEN I started (as if on que) getting the shivers. I was shivering alot so I was worried that something was wrong with me and I pleaded to the Lord. I thought somehow, somewhere in my head, I heard “Peace, child” – I dont know why….and when I heard that, my shivers stopped. And this happened 3 times.

But luckily, when my Obstetrician arrived, he corrected the false call and I was only 3cm dilated, it would be a couple of hours before the pushing action would begin and I could have my epidural quite safely on time (by a trainee Anesthetist!!). I was nervous. Shiver shiver.

But praise the Lord, all was well and good (so far) and the epidural worked like a charm (I was very charming after administration, that is) and it was during the waiting that hubby and I decided on the name for baby. We went through the baby name apps and my hubby settled on Sofia, which meant wisdom and was the most agreeable of options we had and we went for it.

I like to think that the Lord’s angels were around to welcome little Sofia into the world. What a miracle. A miracle of Life, Love and Hope.

Our little darling Sofia - 1 week old

As i write this, i am feeling some aches and pains in my belly. Being due to give birth in a matter of 5 days, it really plays with your mind. My OBGYN has ‘a gut feeling’ that baby will come before next week and I think that will be true.

Once again, I’m going into ‘confinement’ and the herbs and cooking ingredients for my favourite confinement food is being prepared. Thats probably the best part of confinement – the great ginger wine food variety…everyday, lunch AND dinner. I don’t know why I cant get sick of it.

Here’s an idea of my menu

Ginger and wine chicken with black fungus

Chu Kiok Cho (Pig trotter in vinegared soup!) - my favourite!

My hubby does not, i repeat DOES NOT like confinement food. So i dont have to share and its really too bad. I have heard many hubbies partaking in the delicious meals. My hubby, does, however, get pregnancy empathy symptoms such as eating, sleeping and getting all emo. How endearing. Well, we are now both holding our breath for the arrival of baby and its quite excruciating, the wait. Get it over with already!!

Anyway what am I going to have once my confinement is over – my first real, cold, draft of beer – in over 9 mths. cant wait!!!

The finish line is clearly in sight with about 6 more days to my due date.. Breathless and lethargic on most days, I am keeping as patient as I can carrying my baby around.

After this, I may be able to write alittle more during my confinement period – that is, if I can find time between feeds and all. But since I dont have to shower or wash my hair during the month (by right!) I could squeeze in the time to write something (and something of interest)! My blog is getting SooOOOO interesting, innit? All i can talk about are babies and motherhood.

I just visited a friend today in hospital after she gave birth 2 days ago to a gorgeous baby girl. Congrats, Mabel and Andrew! It brings back memories of my ‘time’ in hospital when I gave birth to Jade and I cannot believe I’m about to go in to do more ‘time’ in a week. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the good Lord will bless the whole process and it will go by swiftly and safely and baby and I will come out of it strong and healthy. This time I’m bringing my Ipad and my eye shades so I can GO TO SLEEP in between feeds or when baby is sleeping. I’m going to need all the sleep I can get to combat the inevitable baby ‘blues’ that new mothers seem to get.

THIS TIME, I will know better. I learned from my last experience and I’m going to apply all my knowledge!!! ( so much for giving myself a motivational pep-talk…)

Til next post – I might have popped by then…so keep me in your prayers!!

Christmas is a time of celebration, of remembrance. And it is always hubby’s birthday. However, this Christmas, my granny passed away suddenly and shockingly of a heart attack.

Poh Poh - you are loved and missed. Rest in peace...

Being away from home, its very sad that I was not able to pay my last respects to my lovely, robust grandmother who always has a crinkle in her eye and a smile on her face. I can even remember her laughter. She spoke to us in Hainanese and I reply in my broken one.

She was a strong lady, a very independent one, and even with diabetes, beating breast cancer over 15 years ago and knee pains, she was jovial and able to do alot on her own. Thats why, this heart attack, this silent killer, came as a shock to us all.

Dear Poh Poh, I’m sorry I didnt spend more time with you when you were around and once again I’m regretting it. Once again I feel i could have done more. I will you dearly.
Love, “anung”.

Death. And Life. We dont like to think about death, but its inevitable. Do you know where you are going after you die? Death of my grandmother has brought back a flood of memories about the untimely passing of my little bro. It opens up the question of what are we doing with our lives and how we utilise it? Especially when we are still able bodied.

I have read about heart attacks in women and how it can kill.

From an article in The Star Online, March 2011

Question: What are the leading causes of heart disease amongst women?

Answer: The most important risk factors are obesity, high cholesterol, hypertension, high fat intake, sedentary lifestyle and smoking.

In addition, women also have a higher risk of CVD as they age, due to the physiological changes associated with midlife and menopause, i.e. their natural protection against heart disease – oestrogen – reduces with menopause.

Heart disease also affects women about 10 years later than men. That said, younger women need to take care of their heart health as well, and we urge every Malaysian woman to start thinking of their hearts and to minimise their risk of heart disease by living a healthy lifestyle.

Question: Early recognition of the symptoms of a heart attack can save lives. What are the obvious symptoms of heart attack in women?

Answer: Women are subject to the same risk factors as men, but a woman undergoing a heart attack may not experience the same warning signs as a man.

Angina, or commonly known as chest pain, is an early warning signal of a heart attack. You will feel a sudden squeezing in the chest that spreads to the arms. This is because your heart is not getting enough oxygen due to plaque buildup in your coronary arteries.

Other symptoms are generally more atypical in women – breathlessness and fatigue. This is compounded by the fact that women play multiple roles and they, more often than not, waive these symptoms aside as “normal tiredness” and as part of the ageing process.

And when they seek treatment, at times, they are not appropriately diagnosed, thereby delaying treatment.

Other possible symptoms are swelling in the legs and feet, leg pain with walking, high blood pressure and high cholesterol.

Question: As has been said often enough, prevention is better than cure. So the important question is, how do I, as a woman, prevent the onset of heart disease?

Answer: Maintaining a healthy weight goes a long way to maintaining a healthy heart. Practise a healthy lifestyle by exercising daily for 30 minutes (with a moderate intensity).

Eat moderately, as well as eat the heart-healthy way – choose high-fibre and low-fat foods, and reduce salt intake.

Another simple, yet highly effective preventive step, is to quit smoking, because smoking damages the heart and blood vessels.

Control your blood pressure and cholesterol levels, and know your family history – any members in your family with diabetes, high blood pressure and premature heart disease (below age 55 for a man and below age 65 for a woman) should trigger warning signals to pay extra attention to your heart health. You should consult a cardiologist for screening if you fall into the high-risk group.

Statistics (US)

Heart Attack Facts

1.5 million heart attacks occur in the United States each year with 500,000 deaths.
More than 233,000 women die annually from cardiovascular disease.

A heart attack occurs about every 20 seconds with a heart attack death about every minute.
Sudden death is more common among women with heart attack.

The National Registry of Myocardial Infarctions (New England Journal Med., 22Jul99) reports that women have a worse outcome than men after having a heart attack. Data showed that women under the age of 50 had twice the mortality of men after having a heart attack. Variances likely reflect increased severity of the disease in younger women.

Almost 14 million Americans have a history of heart attack or angina.

About 50% of deaths occur within one hour of the heart attack ––outside a hospital.

There is a 6% to 9% early mortality from heart attack for those who survive long enough to reach the hospital.
From 1983 to 1993, heart attack deaths fell about 30% overall but have not fallen nearly as much for women.

Studies show the most common time for a heart attack to occur is Monday morning. Saturday morning ranks second. Another common time is during the early morning hours, when blood platelets are stickier.

Deaths from cardiovascular diseases in women exceed the total number of deaths caused by the next 16 causes.

60% of women erroneously listed cancer as the leading cause of death among women. Deaths from all cancers in the USA are half as common as deaths from cardiovascular disease.

Only 31% of women know that cardiovascular disease is the leading cause of death in the USA.

On the average, women take 2-4 hours longer than men to respond to symptoms of heart attack, limiting the beneficial use of some newer treatments like clot busters that work best within the first hour after onset of pain or discomfort.

Chewing an uncoated aspirin right away, at the first sign of chest discomfort or distress, can reduce the amount of damage to the heart muscle during a heart attack.

Costs related to heart attack exceed 60 billion dollars per year.

Serving God

I read somewhere that someone wanted to serve God in ministry. Always wanted to. But was struck with cancer and too weak to serve. She regretted that all those years she was healthy, she let other things crowd out serving the Lord and she was always too busy. I dont want to end up like that but it seems that I’m also always too busy! If I have any more kids I will be too busy for myself too!

DO YOU have this problem buying for your man?

I think a really nice present for him would be to invite Anthony Bourdain for dinner – which of course is impossible. He is a celebrity (although I’m sure the man would hate to be labeled as one) and he lives halfway around the globe. So we invite him into our home by watching his latest series “The Layover”. He still trawls the world over for delicious, mouth watering food of all cuisines, but in this series he stops over at certain cities (so far Singapore, Rome, Miami and New York) for only 24 hours and takes us to the best picks of the city if you ONLY had 24 hours. In our malaysian english, this would be “transit!”

Cool new series

We were quite impressed by the food selection shown in Singapore – from Briyani, to Chicken Rice (claimed to be Singapore’s national dish??!!) to curry fish head, hawker food, kuehs etc. Everything you would get in Malaysia! So I was slightly miffed and jealous about it – why didnt Tony Bourdain come layover in KL – we have all those things and more!??? Hey in KL, he could add Bak Kut Teh to the mix. LOL.

By the way, he said that Changi Airport has got to be the best airport IN THE WORLD!! As anything Bourdain says is gold, my hubby totally and absolutely agrees to that comment. So no one minds a transit in Changi airport. Anyway, the food he shown us was mouth watering. Even the burgers in New York looked soooOOO good.

If you have the chance, pick up the book “Medium Raw” by Bourdain – I have to say he is a SICKKKK writer.

Putting Jade to sleep every night now I think its easier than before (I THINK). She has just graduated from the “sarung” to rolling around, singing to herself, playing with her pacifier, patting my face, kicking her feet and sometimes clapping her hands before she finally drifts off to sleep on our bed. Mummy has to lie next to her, singing her favourite lullabies and finally when I’m exhausted, the songs become a tuneless hum.

On a good day (when she is really exhausted) she goes to sleep in a record 15 minutes. On a bad day, Mummy lies next to her, singing (or croaking, rather) into oblivion her favourite bedtime songs (until my voice grows coarse) for a full hour before she decides to finally stay still and fall asleep. But the usual clocked time is about 30 – 35 minutes.

And by the time I get out of bed, my back is literally creaking from lying in a certain position for too long. Because I make sure the room is pitch dark (it gives her brain signals that its sleep time), I sometimes get socked in the face from her – the cheekbone is a real favourite too and tonight, it was a poke in the eye. The real collateral damage, though, is when she decides to head butt my face. Praise God she hasnt broken my nose just yet.

But to me, it’s been a real pleasure (mostly) and its lovely to hear her singing and baby-talk to herself in the dark. It warms the heart, lifts the spirits and I always thank the Lord for this miracle of having her.

My angel