What is a sister’s grief? What is a Brother, Mother and Father’s grief?
No words on this earth can describe the excruciating pain of losing someone in your family – much less the youngest, most pure, innocent, beautiful member of the family, the baby of the family whom we all protect, cherish, and love so very much in each of our own little ways. You walk around on autopilot and the sharp pain turns into a permanent dull ache in your heart. The terrible longing of wanting to speak to him, to hug him, to kiss his cheek and until he gets annoyed, tease him and lie down on the bed next to the table where is he hogging the computer, or hearing him jam away on his electric guitar.
When you are afraid to be alone because your eyes start tearing again and the familiar lump in your throat returns and your heart aches.
When you are afraid to go into the shower because you’d be alone with your thoughts and your thoughts all revolve around the strain to remember every little incident about your lost brother, every moment spent with him before he left you, which seemed insignificant before.
When you stare for ages at his photos, unable to believe you will never be able to speak to him again, see him in all his wholeness, warmness and hear his ‘lame’ jokes.
When the songs he used to jam on his electric guitar repeatedly in the mornings once annoyed you, would now be music to your ears, and you have his songs now playing on repeat.
When you sit down alone quietly and wish and pray he is next to you, listening and hearing all you have to say to him now that he’s gone.