As the days pass, there is something growing in me slowly but surely. It is called ‘hope’ and ‘peace’. In the past few days I have been crying (as I’ve babbled here before) in funny and random intervals, even in the shower and even after that, while blow-drying my hair.
In the past few nights since I’ve started work again, I have been reading and having a bit of ‘quiet time’ just before bed. I have the Bible handy now and very soon I will start reading it earnestly. But now, I’m still going through the “grief” books – feeling as if I have something in common with the author(s) – someone who would know your feelings. After that, I will speak to God before I sleep. This process has helped me alot for what I go through during the day. I’ve had times when we drive past somewhere and tears well up in my eyes.
Just yesterday morning on the way to work, Ronnie asked if I wanted to watch a movie (for last night) and I was happy but the tears were again rolling because I always associated taking Vern to the movies when he was younger. A few years ago, Vern and his friend Jon Ong wanted to watch a movie classified for above 18’s so they got big koko Ronnie to buy them tickets at the counter. Unfortunately! The ticket checker asked for their IC’s and they got the boot! ha ha…..the two boys had to watch another movie.
The night before Vern went back to Penang the last round he came back, I took him on a ‘hot’ date to have dinner and watch a movie. Just me and him. He gladly agreed and we went to Chilli’s in One Utama. But there were no ‘good’ movies to watch so we cancelled the movie plan and then he quickly rang his friends, who were all at Jelutong in DJ. I dropped him there. See he could have had a more technically ‘fun’ outing with his mates but he chose to go out with his older, boring sister.
Last night Ronnie, Jeen and I specifically chose to watch Terminator – Salvation because this was the last movie Vern watched in Penang, the night before the night of the accident. His schoolmates had convinced him to watch it. He must have gone ‘wow’ at the part where John Connor gets on that superbike-machine thingy.
I wanted to see and feel what Vern saw and felt while watching the movie. I’m glad we caught this movie before the cinema took it off the screens. Sarah, Yu Jin or any of Vern’s Pinang ACE mates – if you are reading this – did Vern comment on the movie????