Its been too long. Too long. Too long to start off my February blog post and return from hiatus with a sorrowful air.
I just opened “Pandora’s Box” again at the risk of tears rolling and whaddaya know? The tears are rolling. Stupid Facebook reminded me again about Lim Yu Vern’s page, so I thought I’d leave a message for him there. Looking at his pictures I feel its too long since we last spoke, since we last heard his voice and saw his silly antics. I have to wait what seems like a lifetime before we meet again. I can imagine him making friends in heaven with other kids that have passed away…maybe the 17 year old boys from the Dragonboat tragedy. It helps to imagine this stuff…it makes me feel better thinking he is making himself at home there and doing all kinds of stuff he never got to do on earth.
Our wedding has passed and Vern wasn’t there – physically, at least. But somehow I get the feeling he knows whats going on with his family and friends down here, from up there.
If I were to let myself ‘go’…I would rail and wail and wring my hands and say…Oh Vern, why did you go??? So fast, so cruelly, you were gone. You are gone, but the pain stays.
But no, I’ve got a tight rein on my emotions – publicly at least. I can empathise with the dragonboat tragedy kids’ family. Just another day, just another outing, nothing to bat your eyelashes at, no hint at all that your life and world will be changed forever, and that horrible day is forever etched in your mind. Luckily, it only rears it’s ugly head when I let the guard down.
No Vern, you never will be forgotten – maybe only pushed to the back of the conscious mind due to our human defense mechanism. I hope you havent grown too much in heaven into a man already – how will you be by the time we meet again? Will we pick up where we left off? Will you be the Vern we know and more…?
See you in my dreams Vern….