I dont know what the fuss is all about. of course, that’s very un-chinese of me. And of course disgustingly un-fillial of me.
Anyway, I just took the opportunity under the Qing Ming (or Ching Beng) season to visit Vernie’s gravesite. Not really a gravesite, more like his body’s final resting place. Of course, I am 100% sure his soul is not hovering about there, just his bones. His soul is having a great time in heaven.
I havent visited Vern’s place for a while now, more than a year. I also missed his last memorial on May 30th, 2010 as I was in Australia. It was last Sunday afternoon I decided to ‘drop in’ all by myself, all alone. I guess that it was a poor day to choose to go to visit – the heat was scorching and among the sweat were the tears.
I found myself tearing already as I parked the car and had to hold them back as I bought some flowers. I guess the grief had slipped away from the surface but remains ensconced within. Its easy to go from day to day not thinking about loved ones who have gone to heaven. Its easy going from day to day doing your ‘own thing’ and not placing any thoughts on God til, say, your bedtime and you make your ‘obligatory’ prayer. Its easy to forget.
There was a lot of chatter and even laughter around me. I was glad we had chosen a less populated area – it felt embarrassing to cry after 2 years. I said some words to Vern – which was silly really, cos he’s not really there. I dont like the photo of him there very much now…it looks very painted and artificial. Not his handsomest.There were some fly away ashes scattered about his place – maybe someone got cremated that day. No, wait thats ridiculous – its probably from the chinese cemetery next door to the Christian one.
As I left the place, I saw another woman sitting by herself. Her eyes were red rimmed and I saw that she was facing a young man (born 1979, departed 2007) – so 4 years later and of course, tears still roll – especially for those who passed on at a young age – here one day, gone the next.
Dont waste your days on earth, do good, make your life count. To my Christian friends – lets try to do more for God.