You would think that after experiencing the painful death of a younger sibling, your heart would have turn surely and slowly turned into stone. Sad movies dont make me cry the way I used to, and neither do those sad romantic ones.
But today I was really afflicted by one news article in The Star about the death of a 2 year old toddler, Stella Chew, who was found drowned in a bathtub in her nursery school. What was so asphyxiating about was the large photograph of the mother carrying her precious baby wrapped in a blanket, over her shoulder, just as if the little girl was sleeping. But the toddler’s wet hair and arms were not covered and I could see that her skin had turned blue.
I really felt the pain for her parents, who must be in total shock. Who will probably cry unending tears, and play unending reruns of what-had-happened-during-her-last-minutes-of-life in their heads for years to come.
A mate of mine had sent her pet dog to be spayed. The next day, the vet called to inform her that her dog had died due to the anesthesia administered. My friend was so completely shocked and devastated by the loss – its when you least expect it. One moment your life is the epitome of normal – your run your daily routine without blinking and suddenly, your world is nastily and cruelly turned upside down, as if the carpet you comfortably stood on for years had been yanked from under you and you go tumbling.
As I lay down earlier on the couch, my mind drifted to how precarious life is, how precious your baby’s life is and I really and truly felt as if I was spiralling down a deep, ugly, dark tunnel of depression. When you have a child, you worry worry worry about all the what ifs. Im sure the sentiment is well shared by all new parents – who run to check if their sleeping baby is still breathing….every 10 minutes.
You worry if she plays with some toys and it accidentally pokes her in the eye, or she swallows something and chokes, or if her fever gets too high or or or or!
Then I am reminded….that God is always by your side, no matter what, no matter if you acknowledge Him or not. That his angels are probably looking after you, and that he hears your prayers. That that dark cloud of depressive thoughts need not be hovering over you while you worry your head off about something that may or may not happen. Only God can sooth your soul…spend time with Him.
I am about to.