Do you think you sometimes live in a world of make believe? When I say this, its possible that I find that I sometimes don’t take stock of what the world has to offer or fully or even semi-utilise our skills and gifts from God. Instead, my precious time is sometimes misused for activities which i think I really, really, really need to do. Are these things I ‘really, really need to do’ what I think I need to do, or what I think others think I need to do?
I once wrote a post about the 4 quadrants of my life, one of them being self-improvement. I think help is warranted in that department because sometimes i not only find myself floating (going neither up, down or anywhere at all), or finding my self improvement just plain deteriorating.
When we were in school, we had competition. We could even compete against ourselves, consistently trying to beat our own scores on that Math exam or whatever exam we were painfully subjected to back then. Even in sports, piano, taekwondo, whatever….we had to continuously improve ourselves.
Then came the work force (or our involvement in it) – oh this is where the real kiasu-ness sometimes reigns and rears its ugly head. Where the motivation to excel no longer lay in having to explain to the parents about that B you got that used to be an A. The slip of your class position from 3 to 4 or whatever. Now, it was dog meet dog world. You wanted that promotion, you worked hard for it, had to be kiasu for it, had to polish more than a few apples, had to mix with the right camps. The midnight oil you now burn was fueled by your own burning ambition to climb that corporate ladder. You even had to take more exams to cement your postion. More midnight oil burnt, because you needed to work full time and study part time.
And then…you found the love of your life, your priorities shift over night. When in love, you sometimes find yourself (unknowingly) knee-deep in endorphins and you do things you never thought you would ever do for the sake of love. Then you get married and do the 2.5 kids thing. By then, you wonder where the endorphins went and if they ever really existed in the first place….
So as life grinds to a halt whereby you now shoulder other types of responsibilities, you find your self improvement sometimes taking the back seat. I really have to stop somewhere and examine myself. How have I been spending my time lately? Lately here means the past 2 years. Have I stopped improving my learning self? Have I taken the time to learn something new each day? Have I decided that math never warrants thinking anymore because microsoft excel exists?
Where has all that energy gone? (no doubt I left some in the clubbing arena where many ‘fruitful’ weekends were spent socialising and some due to pro-longed sleep deprivation from baby night feeds).
Has the energy gone forever? It doesnt seem to come back after it says “ciao! Sayonara! See you later!”
What about time? thats gone out the window too.
Having said all that, can we sort and eliminate some ‘activities’ or ‘responsibilities’ that we THINK we SHOULD be doing? Can we get that clutter of our eyes, our lives? Sort of like a filter. Can we do remove these and not feel guilty, but feel liberated!? Then perhaps I could just start that language class I also wanted to take, or that cooking class, or finally do that scrapbook I never had the time to do. Just stuff that may enrich my life….learning new things of interest, my friends, seem to now be a luxury.
I need to up the ante! Revive my docility. Do something agressive. Not fire fight! Be optimistic, love life. And finally, above all things….give all glory to God and not forget His grace.