Time is too precious

Tears come too easily. Something must be wrong with me. My mother might think I’m pregnant again. LOL.

Recently, I have been finding ready tears at the edges of my eyes during the times I spend one-on-one with my baby Sofia. I dont know whether its the way she looks at me (as if she has eyes only for me), or if its my still-raging hormones, or the fact that I get to spend very little one on one time with her just looking into each other’s eyes (usually while lying down).

I wonder what goes through her head? She seems to have such kind eyes, like an old soul, such a sweet, beautiful person. I think having babies is the best thing in the world. Praise God.

Once again, today, I’m reminded by our very mortality.

A contractor came over today to deliver something to myself. It was raining heavily and over coffee (of the 3-in-1 variety yea) shared his experience of visiting prison inmates in Sungai Buloh, Kajang and Jelebu and sharing the love of Christ with them. He also shares Sunday sermons and bible reading with inmates who are on Death-Row. He is only allowed to share with inmates who are non-muslim, and during these sessions, the prison warden sit with them in the same room.

He also shared about his team’s experience about children in women’s prisons. If a woman sentenced while pregnant, and there is absolutely no one to look after her baby on the outside, the child stays with the mother until he/she is 5 years old. I found myself feeling very sad for the child and mother – how to manage the separation anxiety after the first 5 years of life?

The contractor also shared that he once came across a little boy in the prison – one of the inmate’s children, who after seeing the contractor, ran away as if he had seen a ghost. It was because he had never ever seen a man before – no men are allowed in women’s prisons and all wardens are female. Can you imagine the staggering culture shock this little boy will have if say, you took him to Disney Land?

As for the prisoners on death row….can you imagine being in their shoes? Of course, notwithstanding the fact that they have once committed a serious crime. I cannot imagine facing the hangman’s noose – living your days out in confinement.

 

I am now starting to read a book called “One month to live”. Just managed the first few pages and already, I’m feeling the dread of our last days on earth.

How do you utilise your time as wisely as you can? Are you trying to live out what God wants you to do?

How are you prioritising your activities – your precious time on earth? What would you do if you knew you only had 30 more days to live?

Most of us dont know when we will die. But its the inevitable. Lets wake up and smell the flowers. Lets not wait for the “when XX happens then I will XX”. Re-evaluate, re-think, re-organise.

LIVE & LOVE.

 

 

A verse or two

I was recently reminded by the Lord that I ‘forgot’ to Trust in Him. To lean on Him.

For those of you finding yourselves ‘in trouble”, here are a couple of lovely verses I’d like to share

10-11Take the old prophets as your mentors. They put up with anything, went through everything, and never once quit, all the time honoring God. What a gift life is to those who stay the course! You’ve heard, of course, of Job’s staying power, and you know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That’s because God cares, cares right down to the last detail.(MSG) James 5:10

 17You call out to God for help and he helps—he’s a good Father that way. But don’t forget, he’s also a responsible Father, and won’t let you get by with sloppy living.(MSG) Peter 1:17

The first verse, James 5:10 found me when I was in a bit of a ‘give up’ mode. Of course, the give up feeling had nothing to do with any of life’s daily routine I’m facing right now. It was just old ‘demons’ in my closet. And while fretting, I read that verse and the fact that I now know that God cares about me down to the last detail…wow, how comforting is that!!??

The next verse, a more recent one I read (last night), was because I was feeling rather low due to certain personal situations. And that verse reminded me….that YES, my Christian lifestyle has taken a good beating lately and indeed, I am leading a ‘sloppy’ Christian life right now. I havent gone to church properly in a while and devotion is at a minimum. Its down to a prayer a day (each night) and sometimes, I manage to read through a few verses in the bible.

So if you find yourself caught up in certain unpleasant situations, remember to bring it to the Lord and TRUST IN HIM!


 

 

Why I Hate Religion but Love Jesus

This is something awesome that someone shared on Facebook. It voices what I think exactly. From chiselseason.com

 

Sidney Mohede

Today is a chill Sunday. I celebrate my leap into the 90,000th hit on my blog…and I hope my ‘material’ keeps you coming back…

Today I am spending some time putting my feet up and browsing on youtube and the internet for little snippets about God. I am finding out alittle more about Mr Sidney Mohede, Indonesian worship singer, who is coming to DUMC next weekend – 16 and 17th July 2011. (www.dumc.com.my)

I’m leaving you with a clip I found on youtube…a great song, interesting video…Tiada Seperti-mu.

I’m sorry, poor precious Stella Chew

You would think that after experiencing the painful death of a younger sibling, your heart would have turn surely and slowly turned into stone. Sad movies dont make me cry the way I used to, and neither do those sad romantic ones.

But today I was really afflicted by one news article in The Star about the death of a 2 year old toddler, Stella Chew, who was found drowned in a bathtub in her nursery school. What was so asphyxiating about was the large photograph of the mother carrying her precious baby wrapped in a blanket, over her shoulder, just as if the little girl was sleeping. But the toddler’s wet hair and arms were not covered and I could see that her skin had turned blue.

I really felt the pain for her parents, who must be in total shock. Who will probably cry unending tears, and play unending reruns of what-had-happened-during-her-last-minutes-of-life in their heads for years to come.

A mate of mine had sent her pet dog to be spayed. The next day, the vet called to inform her that her dog had died due to the anesthesia administered. My friend was so completely shocked and devastated by the loss – its when you least expect it. One moment your life is the epitome of normal – your run your daily routine without blinking and suddenly, your world is nastily and cruelly turned upside down, as if the carpet you comfortably stood on for years had been yanked from under you and you go tumbling.

As I lay down earlier on the couch, my mind drifted to how precarious life is, how precious your baby’s life is and I really and truly felt as if I was spiralling down a deep, ugly, dark tunnel of depression. When you have a child, you worry worry worry about all the what ifs. Im sure the sentiment is well shared by all new parents – who run to check if their sleeping baby is still breathing….every 10 minutes.

You worry if she plays with some toys and it accidentally pokes her in the eye, or she swallows something and chokes, or if her fever gets too high or or or or!

Then I am reminded….that God is always by your side, no matter what, no matter if you acknowledge Him or not. That his angels are probably looking after you, and that he hears your prayers. That that dark cloud of depressive thoughts need not be hovering over you while you worry your head off about something that may or may not happen. Only God can sooth your soul…spend time with Him.

I am about to.

Til next.

Me Me Me MEEEEE

Do you truly sometimes believe that God has a plan for you? That is just something you think you are destined to do, for God? Like an itch you cant scratch? However, because the picture is not clear and your faith seems not ‘up to scratch’, you procrastinate, dilly dally and then get lost in the way?

I reckon, God has a way of pulling you back to where you should have been, and perhaps doing things in ways bigger than you could have imagined. Dont ignore God’s call!

Thanks for your steady visits to my blog! Its coming close to May 30th, and it would be Vern’s 3rd memorial. If you let it permeate your life, the pain of loss that never truly goes away, remains there, steady and stagnant – just bubbling under the surface like a volcano threatening to erupt. Its been awhile that my Yu Vern Tears came. (the kind that just keeps comin’, the kind that just slides continuously out of your eyes, leaving you wondering – there’s more??!). I’m just so glad that God is in my life now, and nothing can remove that.

Recently, we watched a doco about Benazir Bhutto and the situation of the poor in Pakistan. I can’t help thinking how comfortable we are, living as we are today, when some people have to scramble to have clean water, while some children in certain parts of the world die from having none.

Do you brush your teeth to running water each morning?Are we going to church each week, going through the motions, attending cell (for me, not as consistently as I would like!) and etc and find….hey, we havent done much for God have we? Most things we do for ourselves.

I am reading this book SAY YES TO GOD, by Kay Warren (spouse of Rick Warren, leaving no guesses there!) – and it is surprisingly a great book, one again that attempts to drag us comfy citizens of the earth out of our comfort zones. I am going into chapter 3 only and I am highly recommending it.

One of the things she said that really got me thinking is “the Kingdom of Me”. We pray for our loved ones, our lives, our improvement (which is great, but is that our only focus?) and sometimes, I am now starting to think, what is my REAL motivation behind those things I do? Those things I think I am doing in a godly, christian life – if I strip it down, are these all just me me me?

Qing Ming

I dont know what the fuss is all about. of course, that’s very un-chinese of me. And of course disgustingly un-fillial of me.

Anyway, I just took the opportunity under the Qing Ming (or Ching Beng) season to visit Vernie’s gravesite. Not really a gravesite, more like his body’s final resting place. Of course, I am 100% sure his soul is not hovering about there, just his bones. His soul is having a great time in heaven.

I havent visited Vern’s place for a while now, more than a year. I also missed his last memorial on May 30th, 2010 as I was in Australia. It was last Sunday afternoon I decided to ‘drop in’ all by myself, all alone. I guess that it was a poor day to choose to go to visit – the heat was scorching and among the sweat were the tears.

I found myself tearing already as I parked the car and had to hold them back as I bought some flowers. I guess the grief had slipped away from the surface but remains ensconced within. Its easy to go from day to day not thinking about loved ones who have gone to heaven. Its easy going from day to day doing your ‘own thing’ and not placing any thoughts on God til, say, your bedtime and you make your ‘obligatory’ prayer. Its easy to forget.

There was a lot of chatter and even laughter around me. I was glad we had chosen a less populated area – it felt embarrassing to cry after 2 years. I said some words to Vern – which was silly really, cos he’s not really there. I dont like the photo of him there very much now…it looks very painted and artificial. Not his handsomest.There were some fly away ashes scattered about his place – maybe someone got cremated that day. No, wait thats ridiculous – its probably from the chinese cemetery next door to the Christian one.

As I left the place, I saw another woman sitting by herself. Her eyes were red rimmed and I saw that she was facing a young man (born 1979, departed 2007) – so 4 years later and of course, tears still roll – especially for those who passed on at a young age – here one day, gone the next.

Dont waste your days on earth, do good, make your life count. To my Christian friends – lets try to do more for God.

 

 

 

4 quadrants make 1 life

I find my blog to be a very strange place sometimes. Some days, my stat counter stays low and usually when I log on, I find the stats hitting the roof after a week of quietness. Of course, my primary motivation to continue blogging are your blog visits, so if you like my (sometimes psycho-) babble….visit me here more!

Gone are the days when I had the luxury of 10 mins a day for blogging. sigh – time time time – never enough. It seems the brain department is lacking some nutrients as well, post pregnancy and labour, since my thought process doesnt seem to be as sharp as before. What happens when you have 3 kids???! My blogging (and brain) will be reduced to nothingness??? Anyway I’ll deal with that when the time comes.

To get the most out of life and my time: I have resorted to this idea of dividing my life into quadrants -> (1) People (2) Passion (3) Profession (4) Prayer – my 4 P’s.

People – deals with my love life, baby, family, extended family and friends. Anything to do with relationships and my (sometimes non existent) social life.

Passion – deals with my self development and improvement. Reading, learning, pursuing my hope and dreams. Entertainment, eating, travel, blogging, movies.

Profession – deals with my career and contribution to work. Includes our new home renovation & other administrative work.

Prayer – this should be first on my list. Includes God, church, fellowship, doing my part for God’s kingdom, community, prayer life, devotion and SOME evangelism.

So what are the percentages of time I’m spending on each category above? At the moment, People (i.e. baby and family) take up 40%, Profession 40% and 10% each to prayer and passion. Gosh imagine if I had 2 kids….everything would be cut in half (no more reading magazines on the potty or playing angry bird)??? How cannnnn????

Once upon a long time ago, Passion, People and Profession were my priorities and prayer was zilch. Well now, I’ve been blessed many times over – God did not forget me. Life is so fuilfilling and its great when you know the meaning of it. Happy CNY again!!

 

 

Information overload? What is the speed of my processor, brain wise?

Is TV educational?

I was at Mum’s place today and managed to watch abit of TV for the first time in 2 months. Usually, TV (in my mind anyway) is associated with junk-filled entertainment. You would quite often hear proud parents say “I dont allow my kids to watch TV” – well, parent-like as I am, the channel I always like to watch is ASTRO 712 – yes the extra-junky channel filled with celebrity news and nauseating repeats of “Keeping up with the Kardashians’. I used to say – I hate watching them and their seemingly pretentious life – never could I believe that people would actually watch their show.

However, to my (unpleasant) surprise, today, as I finally had the time (a whole 20 minutes before baby did a poo and I had to wash her up in the toilet) to sit down and put my arms over my head (hammock style) to watch TV – I actually felt relaxed watching the Kardashians. Looks like the entertainment value of TV just took a bit of a rare change.

Every spare minute of my day is filled up with doing something – and my “to do” list is unending (and growing longer each day). I strive to squeeze in as much as I can (on top of motherhood, work and Romance, that is – huh, what romance?) in terms of education. I read the news and store away some info. I read a magazine and make a mental note here and there. I read the Bible and make a mental note. I surf the net and make mental notes. I am being a kiasu parent and reading all about multiplication of baby’s intelligence as well! On top of all that, I’m reading something on how to best feed your baby – diet and nutrition. Where are all these mental notes going to? Answer: Nowhere. I just realised the term ‘information overload’ does happen. Something goes in this minute and is out the next.

So I guess I’ve learnt to try to take things slower, not be too hard on myself. not to try to be little miss perfect – to be alittle rough around the edges. in actual fact – to be less kiasu, please!

I am re-reading (along with everything else during potty time) a book called “the Journey” by Billy Graham. Its written is such simplistic and feel-good language. I good recommendation as a real gentle reminder to all Christians and also something nice and introductory for a baby Christian like me. No matter how busy you are, you should set aside at least 10 good minutes of your day (the ten best minutes, really) with God (out of the 1,440 minutes you have each day. This kinda puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?). Whichhhh brings me back to the lack of minutes I seem to have each day. Can anyone be too busy for God?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Going back to your first love

If you are blessed enough by God, you would have experienced your first love. what is a first love? Its not literal in the sense of the words, its all about the meaning you attach to it.

Love can be multifaceted. It could be a relationship, a character, a toy, a baby, a – anything!

It should be God.

God is always knocking on your door. And when you forget, there are subtle reminders to whisper to you…remember your first love?

The hectic-ness, excitement, sadness, thrills and spills of life make you forget. FORGET. FORGET.

Go back to that quiet place, to the depths of your heart and soul. Go back to the Lord and all will be well.

 

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